Of broken hearts

To a certain extent

That feeling that I have bottled up inside of me for too long had to come out and face me, in my face, telling me the truth.
"To a certain extent." That comment made me remember that everything was to a certain extent, never truly gave in, never truly embraced to the fullest, never truly accepted what can not be changed. Everything was to an extent.
There was a moment, that lingered before the event took place, it is that moment that got to me, between waiting and moving on, I hesitated and then the moment moved on.
The voice, for a moment it felt like home and for a moment it reminded me of all that was lost, can we ever heal? I guess I would never know but I know that whenever I think about this I cant identify it in terms of good nor bad, but the perfect mixture of sweat and sour, that mix that keeps you wondering "What if?"
However, the page has been turned, the hurt was made, the tears were shed and the breathing was hard. But it is all better now.

It goes on!

Fall
Get up
clean yourself
walk tall
fall
look around
someone saw
someone heard
get up
wash it off
take a breath
leap forward
falling
falling
shocked, so what!
Wake up, get up
Wipe your tears
Close your eyes
Take a breath, take it in harder, keep it there
Run into the unknown,
A slap on the face, don't turn your cheek
Slap back, punch, fight
Exhausted
Sit down,
Stand up
Fall
Get up
Clean yourself and walk tall.
Life goes on!

"And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

When I saw this movie "الباب المفتوح" and reread the letter that was sent by the male lead role to the female lead role, I thought to myself "If only a woman can be loved this way!" To be loved without being lost, to be lost in love but with yourself and your essence profoundly strong, to love to the maximum and to compromise without being taken for granted.
This thought takes me to Gibran's Prophet, when he says on marriage:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

If only we can love and marry this way!
Read the letter, breath Gibran and know deep in your heart that to love is to grow, to marry is to bond and not to hold back or lose yourself.

 

عزيزتى ليلى

لم أكن أريد أن أستعمل كلمة ” عزيزتى ” بل أردت أن أستعمل كلمة أخرى، كلمة أقرب الى الحقيقة والى شعورى نحوك ولكنى خفت أن أخيفك وأنا أعرف أن من السهل اخافتك. من السهل بشكل مؤلم، مؤلم لى على الأقل.

وهذا أيضا هو سبب ترددى فى الكتابة... اليك ولكن حنينى الجارف الى الوطن لم يترك لى الاختيار فقد أصبحت أنت رمزا لكل ما أحبه فى وطنى وعندما أفكر فى مصر أفكر فيك وعندما أحن الى مصر أحن اليك وبصراحة أنا لا أنقطع عن الحنين الى مصر.

أكاد أراك تبتسمين، فأنت لاتصدقينى. أليس كذلك ؟.. أنت لا تثقين بى. أنت تقيمين بينى وبينك الحواجز، أنت لا تريدين أن تنطلقى وأن تتركى نفسك على سجيتها، لأنك تخشين أن تتعلقى بى، أن تفنى كيانك فى كيانى، أن تستمدى ثقتك فى نفسك وفى الحياة منى، ثم تكتشفى كيانك مدلوقا-كالقهوة- فى غرفتى.

وأنا أحبك وأريد منك أن تحبينى، ولكنى لا أريد منك أن تفنى كيانك فى كيانى ولا فى كيان أى أنسان. ولا أريد لك أن تستمدى ثقتك فى نفسك وفى الحياة منى أو من أى أنسان. أريد لك كيانك الخاص المستقل، والثقة التى تنبعث من النفس لا من الاخرين.
واذ ذاك – عندما يتحقق لك هذا- لن يستطيع أحد أن يحطمك لا أنا ولا أى مخلوق. اذ ذاك فقط، تستطيعين أن تلطمى من يلطمك وتستأنفى المسير. واذ ذاك فقط تستطيعين أن تربطى كيانك بكيان الآخرين، فيزدهر كيانك وينمو ويتجدد، واذ ذاك فقط تحققين السعادة فأنت تعيسة يا حبيبتى، وقد حاولت، ولم تستطيعى، أن تخفى عنى تعاستك…

لقد أنحبست فى الدائرة التى ينحبس فيها أغلب أفراد طبقتنا، دائرة الأنا، دائرة التوجس والركود، دائرة الأصول، نفس الأصول التى جعلت عصام يخونك، وجعلت محمود يشعر بالعزلة فى معركة القناة. وجعلت طبقتنا، كطبقة، تقف طويلا موقف المتفرج من الحركة الوطنية، نفس الأصول التى تكرهينها وأكرها، ويكرها كل من يتطلع الى مستقبل أفضل لشعبنا ووطننا.

وفى دائرة الأنا، عشت تعيسة، لانك فى أعماقك تؤمنين بالتحرر، بالانطلاق، بالفناء فى المجموع، بالحب، بالحياة الخصبة المتجددة.

عشت تعيسة لأن تيار الحياة فيك لم يمت بل بقى حيا يصارع من أجل الانطلاق.
فلا تنحبسى فى الدائرة الضيقة، انها ستضيق عليك حتى تخنقك أو تحولك الى مخلوقة بليدة معدومة الحس والتفكير…
انطلقى يا حبيبتى، صلى كيانك بالآخرين، بالملايين من الآخرين، بالارض الطيبة أرضنا، بالشعب الطيب شعبنا.

وستجدين حبا، أكبر منى ومنك، حبا كبيرا، حبا جميلا… حبا لايستطيع أحد أن يسلبك اياه، حبا تجدين دائما صداه يتردد فى الاذن، وينعكس فى القلب، ويكبر به الانسان ويشتد: حب الوطن وحب الشعب…

فانطلقى يا حبيبتى، افتحى الباب عريضا على مصراعيه، واتركيه مفتوحا..,
وفى الطريق المفتوح ستجديننى يا حبيبتى، أنتظرك، لأنى أثق بك، وأثق فى قدرتك على الأنطلاق، ولأنى لا أملك سوى الانتظار… انتظارك
____________________

فيلم الباب المفتوح

Rumi

I am smiling at myself today
There's no wish left in this heart
Or perhaps there is no heart left
Free from all desire
I sit quietly like Earth
My silent cry echoes like thunder
Throughout the universe
I am not worried about it
I know it will be heard by no one
Except me.

Rumi

What if all the happened did not happen and what did not happen, happened?

One of the best things that used to be about this, was the fact that I can speak without thinking. The stream of thoughts, maybe a little bit of dependency, it was a pure friendship without concerns of acting, holding back or games- I guess would be the right wording.

Now it is; missed calls; lost thoughts; overturned coffee cups and last seen moments. Now it is anything but what once was.

What happens to the bond between two people, when the bond is broken? Does it leave us to find some other people who are worth the effort of being bonded? Do we actively, passively work on something to be lost.

I am against all what ifs, but in this very moment, I can't but think of what if this happened and that never did? What if I remained silent or screamed it at the top of my lungs? What if I had waited, what if I had rushed? What if I had known all along, that it might be lost forever? What can I take back, what can I give? What if all the happened did not happen and what did not happen, happened?


 

What am I doing with my life?

It dawns on me every single day now, I am an adult. I am a 23 year old woman who is earning a living, has working hours and pays her own phone bill. I am a grown up, I guess!
As I wrote to a previous life coach in my scholarship, "It feels like life is happening and its not as easy as I thought it would be! However, am figuring it out and I try my best :)
Any advice on being an adult would be highly appreciated!"

Life used to go on uptill graduation. We used to finish one year leaping into the next and then we got our Bachelor degrees and stood there, certificate in hand, asking now what?
Its frustrating, and for some of us who have it figured out, I am happy for you. Yet, are we supposed to have it all figured out by now?

I know what I want the next step to be and I know that there is a destination that these steps are taking me to, but, is this it? The most serious question here is, What am I doing with my life? Do not mistake this for pessimism, not at all. I am just thinking outloud and trying to make sense of it all.
In a song by a french Singer Zaz "Je Veux" she said: Je Veux d'l'amour, d'la joie, de la bonne humeur- I want the love, the joy and the good humor. I will end this at this note.

2 cents

I have done mistakes, I have embarrassed myself so many times, sometimes I remember things I did and go like "WTF ALIAA!"
Sometimes I used to talk without thinking; sometimes I even did not speak up when I should have and other times I reacted in the most awful of ways. Man, the stupid things we do and say!!!
I am not perfect, I never claimed to be and I never wish to be.
We are the sum of our parts, our experiences, our best and worst moments and our lessons learned.
I am never afraid to ask for help, for someone's opinion, I ask the people I trust, the people I love and the people that are honest.
For all the times I screwed up, for all the times I excelled, I am grateful, hamdlALLAH.
We are not created to be right, or to be wrong, but do go through it all to reach somewhere, anywhere as long as we are learning.
Be vulnerable and be strong, be afraid, for fear is good, it means you still care!
Think hard, ask big questions; why am I here? What am I doing? Where am I going? What do I think of myself? If you do not know the answer now, figure it out and do not answer for answer's sake. However, answer the questions to be comfortable with your journey into -the not very, hopefully- unknown.
Make plans, plan A and B and C and D, have them in hierarchy, do your best, even if you do not feel like giving into it 100% but at least one day if all fails, when you are sitting with yourself you would know that you did your best!

There you go, my 2 cents for the day...

 

Fall in love!

You never grew out of it and if they tell you that you will, they are lying. And why should you grow out of it, its hope, its optimism, its Allah's willing going to happen, just hold on.
I still believe that one day I will fall madly in love, just like I believed 10 years ago, when I was 13 and I started being curious about boys that stood next to our school bus, checking us out with our braids and colorful spring school uniform.
I would never compromise, I want it all, yes, I want the butterflies, the red cheeks, that feeling you get when you see his name on your phone, that moment when you wonder if he thinks about you, that cute message that makes you wonder what it truly means?
Why should that be taken away from us and be replaced by tea cups, official conversations and blind dates that make you feel awkward.
Since when did love become an obligation that comes after you meet this one guy that fits your list?
Lists do not work, but real love does!
Life is a long way, and since I believe in an afterlife, that is eternal, so when I am choosing someone to walk forever with, this person has to be a companion not a fix.
Fall in love, be crazy, be you, talk endlessly even if it made no sense, with that one man I should not makes sense all the time, don't think too much, do not act, do not hesitate, have guts and just be happy being you with him and discovering what it truly means to be an us.
Please do not fall for our prepackaged notion of love, do not fall for the list, fall for the person.
FALL IN LOVE :)

Once Upon a time!

This life...

I am writting this not knowing what to write, what to say or what to reveal. Have you ever felt like you are caught in the middle of something so confusing that you just felt like escaping. I do not wish to confront this right now!

I am confused!

خمسٌ تنقص الأنوثة!!!

When you read this "خمسٌ تنقص الأنوثة: العناد ، رفعُ الصوت ، مخالطة الأجانب ، كثرة الخروج من المنزل ، القيام بدور الرجل …" what do you think? I think misogyny and sexism!

 

I do not think that a woman who is loud or outgoing or a woman with a successful career -even more successful than her male colleagues- is less of a woman, rather a woman at FULL CAPACITY! What if a woman is stubborn, stubborn to be the best at what she does, determined and oriented, why would that make her less of a woman or less “feminine”?

 

What if she is a single working mom? Taking on the role of the bread winner, supporting her family, why would she be less of a woman or less “feminine”?

 

This society is not going to go anywhere if %50+ of its population is marginalized and underestimated! This quote from where ever it is; is simply absurd!

 

It shocks me that some people would quote it on their status as some kind of epiphany! I am irritated...

 

المجد لعاصري الليمون لبلال فضل

"فأنا أؤمن أن الذي ينبغي أن يعتذر الآن وفورا هو الدكتور محمد مرسي لأنه كذب على من صدقوه وأخلف في وعوده واختار أن يكون رئيسا لجماعته وحلفائها بدلا من أن يكون رئيسا لكل الحالمين باستكمال مسيرة الثورة حتى تحقق كل أهدافها، وإذا لم يفعل فأنا أؤمن أن الليمون الذي كان سببا في حمله إلى كرسي الرئاسة هو ذاته سيكون سببا في إغراقه إذا واصل التصرف كمندوب توصيل طلبات  "من مكتب الإرشاد إلى القصر الجمهورى.

Read Bilal Fadel's article, its sarcasm at its best:
http://www.shorouknews.com/columns/view.aspx?cdate=01012013&id=1acc6f23-101e-4dd1-a801-c58e5542ed5f

2013

I have a song that is not quite my type; however one day in 2010, on a bus going from Pennsylvania to Virginia, I fell in love with this song. It was 11 p.m; I had been on the bus for 3 hours trying to meet my best-friends in Virginia to spend Thanksgiving together. Three Arab girls taking on the world. The Greyhound bus was on the high-way, it was dark outside, very dark! But from the bus lights I was able to see the long trees on both sides of the road. The song was called "Her name is Alice!" and at that second, I felt like Alice in Wonderland. I was in a world that was completely different from mine. And that song made perfect sense. "You see there's no real ending...It's only the beginning."

I am listening to this song, again, while writing this. I am on my office in Bibliotheca Alexandrina, home, so far away from that day when the song made perfect sense. I still feel the same. But it is not the road that makes me feel like I am Alice in wonderland, but life. I have grown curious about life and living it, there are no endings, always new beginnings. Now, standing on the edge of a year that will soon pass, waiting for a new year to unfold, what will be my goals that can satisfy my curiosity in this wonderland?

InshaaAllah...

1.      I will join a political party. I will have to do some research to see which one, but I think in this Egyptian scene and the current political status; one must pick a side.

2.      I will exercise daily. I'm already registered in a Fitness center. I will make it obligatory, just like going to work, even if I do not feel like going, I will go!

3.      I will say YES to new things. I have to discover more...

4.      I will say YES to new people. The more people I meet, the more I learn and can influence.

5.      Screw it... I will always be myself!

6.      I will make amends... I won't be afraid to say I am sorry, to those who deserve!

7.      I won't give up on people.

8.      I won't give in to hardship.

9.      I will never underestimate anyone, first of all, myself.

10. This year I will put my foot on the rest of my plan to be Aliaa El-Zeiny, the woman I always wanted to be.

I know I am posting this on 1/1/2013. I tried to work on one of my resolutions, yesterday. It failed drastically. It is making me feel weird, but not giving in is also one of my resolutions. We will see inshaaAllah...

HE is the man of the house

Yesterday my mom told me I had to help the newly introduced to our household helping lady. After coming home from my yoga class, it was my turn to be in charge and help her help us cleaning our house. After we broke the ice and started chatting, she started telling me about her kids.
She was complaining on how her daughter always wants to boss the young boy, "She wants to act like his mom, to tell him what to do and what not to do. And habibi, he does not want to obey He says he is the man of the house, thus his orders should be the regulations of the whole family."
She kept telling me about incidents when her habibi -her son- wanted to go play in the street and the daughter told him he can't and then he hit her!!!! I have to mention that she told me that the boy is younger than the girl, but she did not mention their age. However, I assumed that the bossy sister is only one year older than the boy, and as an older sister myself, I understood her tendencies as a young girl to boss her baby brother around.
As she was finalizing the story raht 2aletli "Roht 2oltelha, tesm3y kalamouh b2a 3alashan howa ragel el beit -so I told her she has to listen to him because he is the man of the house." Out-raged by how her daughter might have felt, putting myself in the daughter's shoes, I would have felt offended. Out of concern, I told her "But if they are of a close age group, balash, do not make him her boss, it would not be good for her to feel oppressed!" Surprised she replied me, "La2, NO they are not close in age at all!" Ummmm! So I asked her, how old are they? She answered, "The girl is 19 and the boy is 8!" Shocked, irritated and disappointed, I nodded and remained silent! A 19 year old graduate of high school, is being bossed by an 8 year old K.G 2 student...Sexism at its best...

Any recommendations on what advice I can give to this self-hating woman?

3alya2eyat 2.0

Writing this post while listening to Ibrahim Maalouf's Album Hashish -one of my favorite albums during my stay in Beirut- made me realize this: I have victimized myself. I did what I used to preach against. I lost myself for the sake of normality, custom and tradition.
I have accepted things I would not have normally accepted, I willingly underestimated everything I did, I was constantly nostalgic to a life far gone and patiently waiting for a life that might never come true. I lost track of myself and what I once said, "The problem of the Egyptian woman, is the Egyptian man!" Although, no generalizations intended, some Egyptian women and men are outstanding, the rule can be easily applied. However, let me add this, "The problem of the Egyptian woman is the other Egyptian woman and sometimes herself."
This blog in the upcoming days will hold so many stories about being home, like once upon a time when it used to hold so many stories about being far away from home. I apologize for this long sentence. I do not like to break down a sentence especially when it is one idea. I am back and in an updated version. Just like my new phone.
This is Aliaa El Zeiny 2.0. A bigger screen while maintaining a slim body to fit just right, accompanied by a sleek pen, simply amazing expression tools and power performance at its best. To new beginnings, with a new hair-cut, new wardrobe, new shoes and best of all, a new perspective on life and how to live it. "she is free to do what she wants, and free not to do it!"

To Ride a Bike

I am tired of traffic. The route that takes me 12 minutes on an ordinary day, takes me an hour and a half every day. An hour and a half wasted in a car that barely moves, stuck in the noise of honking horns and pissed off men and women longing to press gas and speed home. In this wasted hour and half I could do anything useful; read a book, exercise, hang out with family or friends or even take a nap. Anything can be done other than being on pause for 90 minutes. Then I read about an initiative called iBIKE Alexandria. A group of Alexandrian girls that work in Bibliotheca Alexandrina decided that they would go from-to work by bike. They have guts. I respect them. I want to ride a bike too. I asked “I want to buy a bike and ride it to-from work, any thoughts?” The response to my interest in riding a bike, was a positive attitude with a negative response.
None of agreed that it will be a smart choice, why? It is not because driving a bike in the street is unsafe, or because they thought it might be time consuming or physically exhausting, they did not disagree on the fact that it would be beneficial and costly efficient, in addition to it being fun and a good and healthy exercise. Their negative response was concluded in the fact that I will be riding the bike. My dad said to me: “Walk to work, walk until you can’t walk anymore, but do not ride a bike!”
Why you might still wonder? It is all because of the fact that some ignorant men on the courniche –the main road that leads to my work- might find the activity of a girl riding a bike provoking. And when some men are provoked, they think that the girl did this on purpose, that she is begging for attention. This leads to harassment, wither verbally or physically. Who knows? My dad even suggested that someone might try to push me off my bike. 
Since when was riding a bike, so problematic? Do you think anywhere in the world, other than in our Middle East and North Africa region, riding a bike would be a sexually provoking act? I do not have a foreigner’s complex, but I cannot help but wonder, would a French girl in Paris hesitate to ride a bike? Would she think of all the men that would ask her “Vous voulez coucher avec moi?”
Let us check out the facts that supports their argument. A demographic study that was conducted in 2011 and was issued by the Egyptian Information and Decision Support Center, stated that 44 per cent of the Egyptian women were subjected to sexual harassment. A survey was conducted by the Egyptian Centre for Women’s Rights surveyed 2,000 Egyptian men and women and 109 foreign women in four governorates in the country, including Cairo and Giza. The survey was about sexual harassment on Egyptian streets. Their findings were published in 2008.

“Eighty-three percent of Egyptian women reported that they experienced sexual harassment on the street at least once and nearly half of the women said they experience it daily. Ninety-eight percent of the foreign women surveyed reported experiencing sexual harassment while in Egypt. Wearing a veil did not appear to lessen a woman’s chances of being harassed. About 62 percent of Egyptian men admitted to perpetrating harassment.”

There has been certain campaigns against sexual harassment in the Egyptian streets, for example Protect her, and another campaign that has a vision of a safe street to the girls of Egypt. However, one must ponder on the reason of such horrific acts and in such magnitude? Why are the Egyptian men objectifying the Egyptian women to such an extent? The more disastrous phenomenon is that boys of ages 10 and more are harassing older women. If old men harass women because of an animalistic instinct, why are young boys that did not hit puberty enjoy to horrify an older woman with an improper comment? One cannot but wonder, did morals & manhood vanish from our mainstream?

Till further notice, I won’t ride a bike. But I salute the girls of iBIKE Alexandria for their courage. I wish I had your guts. References: http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/statistics-academic-studies/ http://www.facebook.com/#!/iBikeAlexandria

متفطريهوش!

I am a very agitated Egyptian woman at this second. Why? You might ask! Well, let me quote a famous song when I answer, "La gente esta muy loca!" Who are the Loca(s) and what did they do? Let me tell you... They are a group of students from the Faculty of Pharmacy in Alexandria University, Egypt. This group of educated students started a campaign " متفطريهوش" which translates to "Do not let him break his fast!"
Their campaign is represented in posters they held in their hands, infront of Bibliotheca Alexandrina to spread their message to the wide group of Alexandrian youth that visit the Bibalex. Who are they targeting? Who are they appealing to? or rather ordering? They are targeting the Egyptian woman that walks the streets of Alexandria, or any Egyptian woman that surfs the Internet.
The question is; why would an ordinary woman that walks the street; aid a man or rather take responsibility of a man breaking his fast? It is because of her provocative means, wither through clothing, walking, looking, she is a luring seductive creature after all. (I am being Ironic) Why is this so wrong on so many levels?
First of all, let us assume their theory is true. A woman is walking down the street, very provocative. She has shorts on, a tank-top, heels, tons of make-up, very revealing outfit and she looks passers-by in the eye. Then comes the brother, he is walking down the street, helpless, fasting and he lays his eyes upon this seductive creature! What happens next? He stares, probably he throws a couple of comments, in his head she is begging for it and worse he is blaming her for his looks, his thoughts, his words and the breaking of his fast. In this scenario, the woman is provocative, but she not responsible for the man's indecent behavior. Although, I do believe women should dress modestly, however, I disrespect anyone who blames a woman for the abuse or harassment she faces. This is a patriarchal sexist rhetoric, that criminalize the woman and stresses her inferiority. A woman in this rhetoric, is an inferior that needs to be tamed. She is tamed through a man's words or actions, he needs to teach her a lesson while enjoying her discomfort. The man in this case is legitimized to say or do what he wants because he was provoked by this inferior creature.
Second scenario, an Egyptian woman -their target group- is walking down the street. That woman, the one who grew up in this culture and the woman who is aware it is Ramadan would dress in a certain way. Let us assume the most provocative profile of this ordinary Egyptian woman, she is wearing jeans, a t-shirt (both might be tight), she is veiled or unveiled, and her street manner is cautious, because she is very aware that any man can say or do anything he wants. Now a young man is walking down the street, he sees this ordinary Egyptian girl/ woman and then he is provoked! He breaks his fast? Why do we blame her? Why is the woman always responsible? Where is the man's responsibility not to stare? If he is so easily provoked, and he is really afraid he might break his fast; then why does not he shy away from what might provoke him?
It is a man's responsibility to respect his fast and to keep it not a woman's responsibility AT ALL! In the Qur'an, Allah orders us -both sexes- to be shy in our looks and not to ogle. {قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ} [(30) سورة النــور] Surat Nour: 30. "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty. That is purer for them, verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do." Therefore, I call for a campaign that tells the man "Take Care of your fast." rather than telling a woman to be responsible through "Do not break his fast."

AUB Class of 2012

The clock is ticking and I am almost there. In 33 days I will be done with my undergraduate education, I will be moving back to Alexandria, Egypt and start a new chapter of my life. Someone talked to me of levels, that we leave a level entering a new one.
I internalized this, metaphorically into one of the video-games, when we used to finish up a level with a certain score, moving into the next level; but the next level is always harder and so the level gets harder until you either finish the game -through winning, or it is game over for you dude.
This got me thinking about the score I have scored in Beirut, through my education at the American University, being the international scholarship MEPI student, going to Dickinson College in the USA and every year that passed. It has been four years!
Four whole years that I have learnt more about myself than about political science :)
I remember freshman year when I was trying too hard to look strong, to act as if nothing can affect me that I am up to the independence I have been characterized with.
I remember sophomore year when I realized I am not that strong hulk woman I acted to be!
I remember Junior year when I was in the USA and I acquired my strength through being away from the comfort zone I have built for myself in Beirut and I am in my senior year; that year when I knew that being strong does not mean to exclude yourself from your surroundings, that you are your strongest when you can actually immerse yourself in life, to be honest to yourself before anyone else, to understand that there are the ups and the downs, that it is not a weakness to let go, the real strength lies within you when you understand yourself.
I am moving back to my room in Alexandria, Egypt, that room that is within a household full of a support group, of a comfort zone, the new interesting level will be for me to understand how to be independent when I can easily be dependent!

This Section is being written on the 1st of January, 2013:
You know of all this I have learnt and cherish; that I would not have made it through this experience with such a success if it were not for certain people. In my head -other than my mom, dad and brother- I can name five people that were a support to me when all went wrong. One name stands out of all, Marah Aqeel. She is the sister, the best friend, the mind reader and soul mate. She is the conscious honest mirror of you when you bullshit yourself. She is the one that knew me more than anyone else. Understood me by just looking at me and if you have a friend like her, believe me you are blessed.

Being away from Beirut has proven itself harder than being in Beirut. Maintaining the lifestyle I used to have, is very hard! To be able to juggle work, leisure and sports has been a great challenge. I am trying my best to be that person who was able to exercise, have fun and finish my work load.

I admit it, I miss Beirut, everyday! I miss my life in Beirut, everyday and above all I miss my family in Beirut, everyday…

been away

Hello everyone :) I know i have been away, I have not been writing! Sorry but I am about to graduate -inshaaAllah - and it is taking every-second of my time! I will see you in june :) Missing you all...