Yesterday my mom told me I had to help the newly introduced to our household helping lady. After coming home from my yoga class, it was my turn to be in charge and help her help us cleaning our house. After we broke the ice and started chatting, she started telling me about her kids.
She was complaining on how her daughter always wants to boss the young boy, "She wants to act like his mom, to tell him what to do and what not to do. And habibi, he does not want to obey He says he is the man of the house, thus his orders should be the regulations of the whole family."
She kept telling me about incidents when her habibi -her son- wanted to go play in the street and the daughter told him he can't and then he hit her!!!! I have to mention that she told me that the boy is younger than the girl, but she did not mention their age. However, I assumed that the bossy sister is only one year older than the boy, and as an older sister myself, I understood her tendencies as a young girl to boss her baby brother around.
As she was finalizing the story raht 2aletli "Roht 2oltelha, tesm3y kalamouh b2a 3alashan howa ragel el beit -so I told her she has to listen to him because he is the man of the house." Out-raged by how her daughter might have felt, putting myself in the daughter's shoes, I would have felt offended. Out of concern, I told her "But if they are of a close age group, balash, do not make him her boss, it would not be good for her to feel oppressed!" Surprised she replied me, "La2, NO they are not close in age at all!" Ummmm! So I asked her, how old are they? She answered, "The girl is 19 and the boy is 8!" Shocked, irritated and disappointed, I nodded and remained silent! A 19 year old graduate of high school, is being bossed by an 8 year old K.G 2 student...Sexism at its best...
Any recommendations on what advice I can give to this self-hating woman?
She is doing the right thing , thats how you bring up a real man . still , the Daughter should not be oppressed whatsoever . Always remeber dear , Poverty oppresses the spirit . Your household is doing that , so the young man could one day make a living , and protect her and her daughter .
ReplyDeleteAlthough you have replied again -check 4th comment- and clearly stated what you meant by this comment. I still have to disagree. Bringing up a man entails that he understand his role as an equal partner of a household, not a patriarch -He should never be brought up to be el 2amer el nahy!
DeleteHow come you remained silent and nodded only?
ReplyDeleteThis is why I asked for advice. I have to admit, I was lost for words and a mean of communication to communicate my thoughts to her. Provide me with a recommendation on what I should do and next Saturday I will take your advice into consideration inshaaAllah. Something should be done...
DeleteA real man?!! A real man is one who protects his family, not one who bosses his sister around or beats her... He should be taught how to treat women in general and that using physical violence is never an option..thats when he can be considered worthy of the title "real man"
ReplyDeleteWELL SAID... Physical Violence should never be an option like you said...
DeleteA real man knows how to treat women , and how to protect his family , and makes them happy . it's his highest goal in his whole life . I think what the women is trying to do is set him up to that goal , but she is doing it the wrong way , yes you should give him confidence , but must be their when he wrongly uses it , violence in never an option , still you wouldn't wanna break him in his age . thats what i was trying to underline in my frist comment . Wade7 en L Tarbeya is not that easy :)
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